The Seventh One

Apparently when I have any extra time on my hands my default activity is blogging.

I sit here in my living room, stealing the Internet from one of my neighbors, indulging in a little downtime after spending the afternoon at a party with colleagues and the evening at a community presentation of The Music Man. Seriously though, I did spend the whole morning and early afternoon at the school, making everything was good to go with grades and trying to get a head start on cleaning. I didn't get very far with the cleaning. I never do.

Anyway, sitting here, down time, check. Currently downtime = blogging and Pride and Prejudice. Not the book, for heaven's sake. I have tried numerous (between 5 and 10) times to read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and have failed every single time. I enjoy the movies based on her stories very much, and after watching them I always have the urge to read the books as well. Big mistake. Fortunately for myself I ignore said urge and move on. I seriously can't stand Austen's books.

However, I simply adore Austen's stories. For some reason, Jane Austen's books bore me to death, but the stories, oh the stories. Turn them into movies and I'm sold, and just as blogging is now my default activity, Pride and Prejudice is my default movie. Feel like watching a movie, but can't decide? Pride and Prejudice. Not the long BBC mini-series either. I like it well enough, but the 2005 version with Keira Knightley, I can watch over and over again. I love everything about it. The acting is top- notch, the dialogue quick and delightful (which I suppose I owe mostly to Jane Austen), Donald Sutherland's in it, the music is beautiful and so is the cinematogrophy. Some of the shots are simply breathtaking. I enjoy the movement of the cameras almost as well as that of the characters, and the scenes themselves are so well composed.

I must go. I am tired. Good night.

The Sixth One

I recently finished another book entitled The Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore, or as my friends and I call it: My Best Friend Biff.

I was excited about this book for numerous reasons including, but not limited to, the following:

1. I think the idea of Jesus having a friend named "Levi, who is called Biff" is amusing.

2. There is kung fu. Kung fu + Jesus = good times all around.

3. It was compared to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, and I love Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. It makes me laugh out loud.

The premise of the story is this: Biff is brought back from the dead to fill in the missing years of Jesus' life that the rest of the Gospels skip, from age 12 to 30. During these years Biff and Jesus travel the [known] world and encounter the Three Wise Men who turn out to be the founders/masters of three other world religions. Under one Wise Man, Jesus and Biff learn about Confucius and magic, under another they learn about Buddha and kung fu, under another they learn about Hinduism and yoga. Then they return home to Israel; Jesus is now ready to be the Messiah.

It took me five months to read this book cover to cover. It wasn't a difficult book to read, actually it was easy and entertaining. It took me so long because A) I work. I kind of had a lot to do and my free time was not exactly in abundance. B) As amusing as it was there were times I had to put it down for fear I was reading blasphemy. C) There was really a lot of sex in it. It was difficult for me to read about Jesus and sex, or rather, Jesus talking to Biff about what it's like to have sex. Biff liking sex + Jesus not being allowed sex = awkward, awkward reading.

So my reading of the book was stop- and - go. Over all, I liked it. Every time I thought the author was about to go too far, he wrote something that was either hilarious or really very deep and thought-provoking.

The book itself is an interesting concept. What would Jesus have learned if He'd been taught by masters/founders of other world religions? (Nothing, considering HE WAS/IS GOD!! But I digress). Being fully man AND fully God, how would He have coped with not having sex? Did He want to have sex? Granted, Mr. Moore has a questionable grasp on theology and it's noticeable, but the book makes me think. I love books that make me think, that ask interesting questions. This book made me think, asked interesting questions AND amused me, making it top-notch in my opinion.

Like this book? Go ahead and try Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and its sequels.

The Fifth One

Consider this a p.s. to my previous post, even though it has absolutely nothing (not just nothing, absolutely nothing) to do with what I said in my previous post.

Monday nights = American Gladiator. This just is. This began during the Writer's Strike, when no new episodes of regularly scheduled programming were being aired and the networks were forced to fall back on *gasp* reality television. American Gladiators came back. And it is wonderful. The winners of last season are back for a second round, this time as gladiators themselves. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome

JET

and

ROCKET!

Needless to say, whenever these two compete I always root for them, not the contestants. I followed them all they way through their own competition, so basically I'm just in it to see them annihilate the competition.

The Fourth One

It's been awhile, but I am still here.

Welcome to Finals Week at my school. Half days until Thursday and all I have to do is grade. In honor of not having to write lesson plans this past weekend, I opted instead to read a book. My books-to-read list is ridiculously long, as is my books-I'm-currently-reading list. In spite of these two glaring facts, I still decided that instead of reading one of those books, I would read a new one: The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett.

I am, admittedly, a fan of the Thin Man movies starring William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick and Nora Charles. When I found out they were based on a book, I knew I would have to read it. The Thin Man marks my first foray into the world of mystery noir and I found I liked it very much. Having seen the movies and already fallen in love with the characters, I'm not sure much could have dissuaded me from enjoying the book.

If you have seen The Thin Man (1934), then you know "whodunnit" along with all the characters and the roles they play. As with most books-turned-movies, the plot in the book is a little more complex and the minor characters a little more well-rounded. I very much enjoy the sarcasm employed by the most of the characters and the detached, nonchalant attitude Nick Charles seems to have toward whoever he is dealing with:

"I won't believe it." She stood up working her fingers together. "I won't. I won't." Her face was sick with fear, her voice strained, unreal as a ventriloquist's. "I won't believe it."

"That'll help a lot," I said. (95)

Aside from this, however, I did find myself a bit disappointed. Most of the charm from the movies comes not from the cases being investigated, but from the interaction between the Charles'. This interaction is played perfectly by Powell and Loy. What Hammett writes in his story only serves to whet the appetite of the reader.

Over all, I liked it. It was quick and easy and fun and it made me thirsty for more, which is why I am currently looking at a copy of one of Dashiell Hammett's other well-known stories, The Maltese Falcon.

Favorite quotation from The Thin Man, courtesy of Guild and Gilbert:

"Did that bum smack you just to be doing something?"

"No, no, it was my fault. I- I did resist."

"Oh, well," Guild said, "nobody likes to be arrested, I guess." (173)

The Third One

I once postponed a test for one of my classes and they gave me a standing ovation. It made me want to give them more tests so I could postpone them and receive more standing ovations. Standing ovations can be intoxicating, my students need to be careful lest they receive more tests than they can handle. Eventually, I imagine, the standing ovations would end. It would be a tragic day. I, used to getting standing ovations for postponing tests, would become cranky from withdrawal. Tests would no longer be postponed, and students, used to not taking tests on the days they are assigned, would be caught off guard. They would fail, grades would suffer, kids would not graduate. All of this because of one standing ovation. Good thing I am not prone to postponing tests.

I read a memoir recently entitled Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress by Susan Jane Gilman. It was engrossing and entertaining. Every snapshot Gilman places in front of the reader is amusing, occasionally laugh-out-loud amusing. She is equally talented at seeing the whole picture, and drawing real life-lessons from real-life situations. Her points are not heavy-handed, instead I found I learned a lot and looked at situations from a new viewpoint, even with the understanding that were Ms. Gilman and I ever to meet, we would probably disagree on almost everything.

I added this book to my ever-growing list of wonderful memoirs. With every memoir I read I am reminded that I probably could never actually write one myself. The life lessons I learn seem to come primarily from other people's lives or books I have read or movies I have watched. My own life, which leaves me completely content, is full of random and quaint anecdotes, but no thought-provoking, hilarious, or traumatic (seemingly or authentic) events. In fact even now, as I read through this post, all I can think is: have I again over-used commas? Answer: probably.

Like memoirs? Read these: Honky by Dalton Conley, The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller (yes. I do think this is memoir. Definitely, at least, memoir-esque.)

The Second One

Again I am sitting in class, with all my students hard at work. Could there be a better time to post? I submit that there cannot!*

As my first year teaching comes to an end I find myself counting the days as much as my students. At the same time I am also looking forward to next year. I have in my mind all the things I am going to do better and change in my classroom and methods. I really want a new textbook for at least Spanish 1. That would be amazing.

I confiscated an English vocab list from one of my students. It was full of such great words. My students all laughed at how excited I got over them. I chose a word from the list that will be today's word of the day. You can find it at the bottom of today's post.

Prom is over, thank heavens. I spent all Saturday setting up for it and chaperoning it. At the risk of sounding like an old woman, I cannot stand the way they dance or the music that they ask for. The kids request songs and then sway back and forth, butt to crotch. It's obscene and any fool can do it (as demonstrated by many last Saturday night). Then when a song comes on they can actually dance to, they all leave the dance floor. Kids these days. Fortunately the d.j.'s were more than willing to work with me in keeping an eye on the music, and they played a variety of music instead of (essentially) the same song over and over and over again.

Favorite new Internet find: hulu!! Check it out. Know it, love it. For a girl like me, without cable, this is fantastic.

Word of the day: virulent adj. poisonous or destructive.

*line inspired by Brian Regan. Thank you Brian Regan.

The First One

Ask me how long it's taken me to write The First One. I spent so much time figuring out what I wanted the blog to look like. Then I posted and decided I didn't like it. Then I decided I didn't like what the post said, so I had to start all over again. But now I have it. And I like it. Unfortunately, I am also writing this as I am supposed to be teaching and every teaching class I have ever taken said that is a bad idea. So, this First One is short and sweet. Welcome to my blog. It's gonna be great.